Unspoken
by Rika Yayoi
Summary: It was love. Onodera Ritsu loved Takano Masamune. And those three unspoken words were to finally be exchanged that night. ONESHOT


**Enjoy~**

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><p>"Mother, I've already told you so many times, I don't want to get married!" Ritsu insisted. "I've never agreed to this engagement in the first place!" He sighed, watching the city rush pass them through the window. "Turn here," he told the cab driver.<p>

"Ritsu! Why are you so against this! It's not like you've got anyone you like. Besides, you should be happy that such a wonderful woman like An-chan is your fiancée!" his mother protested.

The brunette held up his hand, where the silver ring on his ring finger flashed along with the lights outside.

"Don't you dare take that off Ritsu," she warned, earning another frustrated sigh in reply.

Ritsu wanted to tell his mother that he indeed was in love with someone right now, but he knew that not only would it partially be a lie, the fact that the one he loved was a man would surely cause his mother to throw a fit. She hadn't even known about the Saga incident, the brunette made sure to keep it a secret.

But whether his mother knew of Takano or not, the man was still a huge problem in his life. He was still ever so confused about his feelings towards him. There was no way he could fall in love all over again with the man he was with ten years ago, but then what was that weird feeling in his chest every time Takano was on his mind? Why did his heart pound so much when seeing him?

Why did he bother to explain to him every single time that there was nothing going on between him and An-chan? They weren't dating or anything, so why did he need to know?

The driver pulled up in front of Ritsu's apartment building, and he didn't bother to hide the fact that he wanted to leave as soon as he could. He couldn't handle any more of his mother's lecturing. She just didn't understand.

"Bye," he called after rushing out of the vehicle, pretending to be oblivious to his mother's disappointed glare.

The brunette sauntered into the building and towards the elevator, his troubles flooding his mind once again. He left in such a rush to his mother's house that he never got the chance to inform Takano that they wouldn't be having dinner together. Would he be angry?

The doors hissed open as he reached his floor, and Risu ran a hand through his messy hair as he made his way to his apartment. He had been so immersed in worrying about Takano that he failed to notice him standing in the hall until he called out to him.

"Where the hell have you been?" the man asked in annoyance. "Why didn't you answer my texts? Or my calls?"

Ritsu looked up, feeling his heartbeat quicken like it always did when their eyes met.

"S-Sorry...the battery died after I left the office," he explained, taken aback at the worry he saw in Takano's eyes.

"Have you had dinner yet? Everything's still…"

When the brunette looked into his apartment through the open door, he saw that Takano had indeed made dinner for the two of them. The food looked cold. He had probably been waiting for hours.

Guilt washed over Ritsu when he looked at his watch to see that it was almost ten o'clock. Takano had been waiting for him all this time, while he had been at dinner with his mother.

And An-chan.

The ring he still had on his finger was suddenly remembered, and it occurred to the brunette that his boss would misunderstand if he saw it. He hastily tried to hide it behind his back, but Takano reacted to this rather quickly and shot out a hand to stop his.

The dark haired man stared at the ring on his lover's hand. The label 'lovers' hadn't even been official in the first place, but this let his hope plummet.

"So you…"

Ritsu looked up in panic to see the pain in Takano's eyes and opened his mouth to explain.

"No! This isn't—

"Congratulations, then." The man smiled, but anyone could see the anguish behind it.

"It's not like that Takano-san!" he insisted, grabbing his boss' sleeve. "It was my mother! She just won't listen to me when I tell her—

He suddenly felt himself being pulled into a tight hug, and Ritsu felt his tense body relax. He almost wanted to smile then. But it seemed to be too early for any sliver of happiness to reach him because he soon felt himself being pushed away and facing the man whom now refused to look at him.

"I'm sorry, could you just please leave me alone for a while?"

Ritsu heard the door to Takano's apartment shut and he could only stare dumbstruck at the spot the man had just been standing in. What was that supposed to mean? Was he forgiven? What was that hug…?

The brunette stared at the ring on his finger, pulling it off and putting it in his pocket. He then made his way to his apartment, fumbling with his keys, before rushing inside to where a phone lay. Ritsu needed to make everything clear with An-chan. He couldn't put up with this any longer.

The man paced back and forth in his living room, stepping over the clothes and papers scattered everywhere, as he waited for her to pick up. As he did so, he tried to plan out the conversation in his head. He didn't want to hurt her, but if being with her meant _not _being with Takano, and even though he had spent years trying to convince himself that those feelings for the man weren't there, he was ready to turn her down.

"Hello?"

"Hey An-chan, it's me," Ritsu said, trying to push away the guilt washing over him when he heard the happiness in her reply.

"Oh, Ricchan!" she exclaimed. "I'm so happy you called!"

He forced a laugh, not quite knowing what to say first.

"Come to think of it, you never call me Ricchan. Is there something you need?" she asked.

"Yeah, I do." The brunette took a deep breath, looking in the direction Takano's apartment was. He was somewhere on the other side of that wall. What was he doing right now? Was he going to believe Ritsu's explanation?

"Actually, it's about the engagement…"

• • • •

"A-An-chan, I'm sorry," Ritsu said, not sure what todo about her tears. He had never been good with crying women and panicked every time. At a loss for what to do, he could only accept the tight hug she gave him, slowly raising a hand to awkwardly pat her head. "I'm sure he's in a better place. Don't worry."

The girl's shoulders shook as she sobbed in the brunette's arms, mumbling incomprehensible words into his chest. He could feel the wetness of her tears spread on his shirt and he vaguely wondered if his words were even helping her at all. He didn't want to see her cry like this.

"I-It's going to be okay, An-chan. Maybe it was time for him to leave. You should wish him well, r-right?"

After a few more moments of an awkward silence, for Ritsu at least, An raised her head and wiped away her tears, despite the fact that more were running down her cheeks immediately. But she smiled and he almost let out a sigh of relief.

"You're right, Ri-chan. He's in a better place, I'm sure of it." The brunette saw her struggle to keep the large smile she had on her face, knowing she felt an immense amount of pain. Unable to watch her like that either, he ended up saying that it was okay for her to cry, and she moved closer to him immediately, her sobs finding their way back.

While patting her head once again, Ritsu desperately tried to find a way to make her feel better, maybe a gesture. What did men do to calm down a crying girl?

_What does Takano usually do for me?_

His eyes widened at the thought and silently scolded himself for something like that to get into his mind. He had never cried, or that was what he forced himself believe, in front of the man. And even if he had, he knew that situation and this situation were different. Completely different. At times like this, Takano would usually..

_Kiss..._

That was _not_ going to happen.

Ritsu tried to remember the times back when An and him had been kids. Once, he had found her sitting in the sandbox at a nearby park, crying because she had lost the hairclip he had given her. What had he done then?

The brunette gulped, trying to calm _himself _down. All he needed to do was give her a shoulder to lean on, making her contain her tears would make her feel even worse. He continued to awkwardly pat her head while whispering what he hoped to be reassuring words. In the process, he caught a glimpse of her hands resting on his chest, the ring from yesterday nowhere to be found. He suddenly grew less tense, glad that she understood, and yet stiffened once more when he remembered that Takano still didn't understand.

Ritsu wanted to hit something when he heard footsteps coming their way, especially when he noticed the open door they were standing in front of. In the state An was in, she wouldn't have noticed, but he was dreadfully aware of the nearing noise. He was in no position to run and close the door and so he could only pray it wasn't anyone he knew.

"A-An-chan, do you want to come inside? I can make some tea or something," he tried, but it seemed that he was too late.

The brunette looked up just in time to see Takano standing in the hallway, his mouth open as if he had been getting ready to speak. He could almost imagine what would've happened if An hadn't been here. The man probably would've walked straight in and asked why the hell he was leaving his door wide open, taking the chance to stay in RItsu's apartment. But that wasn't the case now.

Wide green eyes were looking up at hazel ones in panic, his mouth opening and closing as if he could utter an explanation without An hearing anything. She was in an extremely sensitive state and he didn't want to make her feel any worse. But with what had happened yesterday and what Takano was witnessing now, how was Ritsu supposed to explain everything? Sure An knew about their relationship now but he was sure she hadn't even noticed the presence at the doorway.

After a while of the brunette frantically trying to find a way to assure the man there was nothing between them, Takano rose a hand as if apologizing for interrupting, stepping back. As he walked away, he took one last look back, catching Ritsu's gaze with a look of complete pain that stabbed at his heart.

He was trying his hardest not to push An away and run after his boss, and soon stepped back, moving his hands to grip her shoulders ever so tightly. The tears were coming. He couldn't stop them.

_I need to go explain. I have to go explain. _

"T-Takano-san…" he whispered.

• • • •

The frigid air enveloped Ritsu as he stepped out of his office building, pulling up his scarf and digging his hands deeper into his pockets in attempt to escape the cold. Work had finally been finished early today, which was an incredible shock to everyone since the Editor-in-Chief was even away on a business trip, and yet he felt that it gave him no benefits at all. More spare time meant more time for Takano to appear in his thoughts, and he had already made more than enough appearances in his dreams the two days he had been gone.

Ritsu exhaled, hoping his breath could take his guilt away with it. He couldn't stop recalling what had happened a few days earlier, Takano's hurt expression flashing before his eyes and causing his chest to tighten. He hadn't meant anything when he hugged her. The poor girl's cat had died before her eyes and she had been crying a waterfall when he had found her.

_But Takano-san knows that An-chan confessed to me, he knows that she loves me. I told him that I held no romantic feelings for her but what I did then really seemed to mean something I _absolutely _didn't mean._

He hadn't even gotten a chance to explain the situation and apologize before he had been informed by Kisa, _not_ Takano himself, that their boss had left for a sudden business trip. That left Ritsu back here with a load of guilt and confusion dumped on his head. The stress had, although he'd never admit it to Takano's face, even affected his work quite drastically. And even if he tried to forget about the incident, the mere fact that his boss wasn't here to tease him and drag him around bothered him.

_It's only been two days. I know there's no way that we'd be able to stay together forever, so why am I bothered so much when he's only been gone for 48 hours?_

Ritsu passed a hand through his brown hair as he stepped in the train, the mass of bodies pushing and shoving him until he ended up being pressed against the door. Another con about leaving work early—the train was suffocating. Though it was the last bit of rush hour, hundreds of citizens still crammed themselves into the metal vehicles as they had no more patience after a day of hard work. The last train had always been fairly empty, and Ritsu liked it that way.

_I should've stayed at the office._

As the doors pressed against the brunette finally hissed open, he stepped out and got away from the crowd before taking a deep breath of fresh air. He then checked his watch.

_No way, only six thirty?_

Ritsu sighed. Maybe now was a good time to actually do the laundry and clean up his apartment. And then eat a healthy dinner.

_I always ate with Takano-san._

"Why do I keep on thinking about him?" he asked himself, oblivious to the attention he was getting from nearby pedestrians. "It's not like I l-love him or anything…right?"

The brunette couldn't fool himself. He knew how he felt, yet a part, a huge part, of his mind just found it too embarrassing to admit. He wasn't even sure if it was love. It felt completely different from when he had been with him during high school.

While letting his gaze travel up the hill and land on his apartment building, he felt his hands get cold. They were still in his pockets, absorbing the warmth his jacket gave them, and it was usually enough, but the scene before him seemed to conjure memories. Takano used to always hold his hand while they walked up the hill to their apartments, and Ritsu always let him.

_D-Do I actually like him…?_

His hands were cold and the air around him as well, but the thought didn't fail to spread heat on his cheeks.

He shook his head as if to get rid of it.

_No, I shouldn't worry about that right now. Takano still hasn't understood what happened between An-chan and I. I need to find a way to explain what happened. _

Kisa had told him that their boss was coming back tomorrow. He could probably catch Takano during his free time and explain the situation then.

_Or I could…_

Ritsu gripped the cellphone in the left pocket of his jacket. Was he really in such a rush?

As he stepped in the elevator and pressed the button to his floor, he fished the device out. There was nothing to say. What was he supposed to say? Could he just write a large paragraph explaining what happened, or was there a simpler way?

Before he knew it he was standing in front of Takano's door, staring at his apartment number. The brunette remembered the many times he had been dragged in that place, as well as the many times his boss had stood out here waiting for him.

Ritsu gulped.

Raising his phone, he started to text.

_I'm sorry._

Was that too simple? Were those the right words to say?

After what seemed like hours of deciding, he quickly pressed send before he could change his mind. He then proceeded to type his next words, which seemed to appear out of the blue on his screen, like his thumbs had moved on their own.

_I love you._

The brunette blushed, quickly deleting the characters. There was no way he was sending that. It was too embarrassing. Too embarrassing…

A sudden beep filled the empty hallway, followed by a sudden vibration in Ritsu's hands. The sound had shattered a long silence and the brunette was so surprised he dropped the small device. He gasped, hoping it hadn't broken after having contact with the ground, and quickly picked it up, trying to turn it on.

He gave a sigh of relief when it turned on again, but almost choked on his breath in surprise when he saw that he had a text from Takano. Ritsu panicked for a moment, worried about what kind of message he was getting from his boss. Did he hate him? Had he already found someone else?

The brunette hadn't even gotten the chance to send his next message, which was still in the process of being thought up. What was a mere 'I'm sorry' going to do?

Ever so reluctantly, he tapped the blinking envelope on the screen.

_Excuse me, are you an acquaintance of Takano Masamune?_

_Ha? Who has his phone? Is he really with someone else?_

Ritsu tried to calm the wave of panic washing his body right then. It couldn't be true. Takano wouldn't do that, especially after claiming to have loved him for ten years.

Was Takano playing a prank on him?

_Who are you?_

He hesitantly hit send, going as far as closing his eyes when he heard the familiar beep and felt the vibration. A part of him really didn't want to see what it was. He didn't want to face the fact that Takano had found someone else. Or he was just messing around with anyone he found.

_Baka Takano. You should've already noticed that I like you, right?_

Ritsu opened his eyes one at a time, his mind processing the sentence at an impossibly slow speed. There was more, but the first sentence was all he needed to see to understand. When the meaning finally got through, the brunette froze, feeling his heart stop for a few seconds. No. No. No.

_Takano Masamune was in an accident today. _

The phone in his hands fell from his grasp, hitting the ground with a crack.

• • • •

Ritsu dropped to his knees in front of the tombstone, staring up at the picture of the man he loved so much smiling proudly. His mind felt like it had been shut down. All he could see was the expression on Takano's face when he saw the ring on An's hand, as well as their embrace the day after. The pain wasn't bearable, it felt that his heart was being ripped in two. It felt like he couldn't breathe.

_Why did it turn out like this? Why didn't I apologize earlier? Why didn't I confess earlier?_

The brunette remained expressionless as tears streamed down his cheeks and he slowly rose a hand to rest on Takano's face in the picture. Why did he leave? Why did he have to come back early?

"I-I'm sorry Takano-san…" he whispered, his voice hoarse from all the crying he had done before he could muster his courage to come here. "I'm sorry things turned out like this."

Ritsu buried his face in his hands, trying to hold back his tears.

"Y-You know," he began, rubbing his eyes. "I was going to confess to you that night you saw us. I-I just didn't know that An-chan would suddenly show up." The brunette gulped and tried to control his breathing. "I-I really hate myself."

He tried to hold back a sob, but it came anyway, leading the way for many others. The anguish was preventing him from speaking properly. His head was hurting, eyes were red, chest was tightening, heart seeming to be beaten to pulp, and his whole body numb.

"I-I could never muster up the courage to confess no matter what." Ritsu took a deep breath. "It was just too embarrassing for me to say it. You were my first love. I loved you so, so much. But after ten years, I didn't want to admit that I still loved you, that my heart pounded so much when you were in the same room as me, when I was thinking about you _every single day_.

I took advantage of your confidence. I thought you could easily tell I liked you, that you would tell yourself that I loved _you _and only you when you saw me with anyone else. But that's too much to ask for. I was stupid, and I hate myself for that. I never even got the chance to say it."

The brunette covered his mouth with his hand to prevent more sobs from racking his body.

"N-Nee, Takano-san? I-I know you probably hate me so much right now, but I'm going to use your first name just this once, okay?" Ritsu looked down and gulped, oblivious to the wetness streaming down his face.

He took a deep breath, allowing the words he had kept locked in his heart for all this time pour out.

"I love you Masamune. You're on my mind every single day. Of all the times we've been together, none of my denials to your actions were the truth. I cherished every single kiss, every single touch, and every single word you've said.

I've done horrible things. I'm a horrible person. And I accept the fact that you probably loathe me with all your being. But _I love you_."

Ritsu sat there through the day, repeating the three words as many times as he could in hope to make up for the times in his life that he should've said them. Night soon fell, the sunlight that had shone upon him morphing into the silver of the moonlight.

Was Takano watching him right now? Did he hear his words? Did he forgive him?

"T-Takano-san...I'm sorry," he mumbled, but he knew all was meaningless. Takano was gone. Ritsu's first love was _gone_.

The broken man's tears were endless as he knelt, shivering in both cold and misery, before the grave, his whole body and soul numb. He didn't know what to do anymore. What could he do without him?

All the energy in Ritsu's body seemed to give away at once, and he collapsed, falling onto the freezing ground. Frozen tears lined his face, and he watched his many breaths disperse in the air as he tried to figure out how he could ever move on. He _couldn't _move on.

Ritsu's eyes were still open, he remembered, when he heard the panicked voice of Yokozawa call out to him. Takano's smiling face was the last thing he saw before everything went black.

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><p><strong>I figured that I could try to write something tragic and angsty... ;) <strong>**As for the ending, it's basically up to you guys to decide whether he dies from the cold or is saved by Yokozawa.**

**Anyway, I'd love it if you wrote a review! Thanks for reading~**


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